Tiba: "Happy Mother's Day. I knew you'd get pregnant eventually, you was always drunnkkk."

woop woop, wisdom is a laydayyyy

Tiba, reading the bible. "hey, Wisdom is a woman in the bible!!! i knew it, we are really smarter than the mens!! i can't take this, i am so excited!!! this is so deep!"

"I thought I saw you at the bus stop the other day, but it was just a really fashionable homeless lady." ~My Wonderful Boyfriend

Drunk D-ray tip # 1

hey guys, tip from drunk D-ray: holding your hand over yer mouth when you wanna puke WILL NOT STOP THE VOMIT and is only a good idea if you wanna spray chunks all over yourself and everywhere within a three-foot radius around you

woo! furry elbows!

last night i dreamt i was in the bathroom @ school with a razor, desperately shaving off a patch of wild-ass curly dark hair that was somehow growing on my elbow while this chick was screaming bloody murder, begging me to stop and "keep it real". Holler if u think furry elbows are hott!!!

morning after

man, i dunno what is worse this morning. my breath, or how horrible i look with my hair parted down the middle

the ultimate fat-ass

Tiba: "Oh my god Desiree, you are the ultimate fat-ass. I can't believe you ordered french fries AND potato wedges. Who does that, really?"

Me: "Bitch, you're lucky I give you ANY of my wedges!"